A Couple’s Quandry: “Do We Stay Together or Break Up after
Graduation?”
The question of whether to continue
or end a romantic relationship after graduation is anxiety provoking.
Both male-female and same-sex couples may avoid discussing the topic for fear
of experiencing or causing painful emotions. Indeed, having a
conversation about the future of the relationship may generate some
tension. On the other hand, a discussion
about where the relationship is headed may also create deeper intimacy in the
relationship. Either way, such a conversation is a necessary step in a
relationship, regardless of the ultimate outcome.
It is best to have ongoing
communication with your partner about where the relationship is headed as
graduation approaches for one or both of you. Be compassionate in your
timings (e.g., avoid having a conversation the day before an important exam),
knowing that there may never be perfect times to have such
important conversations.
As you talk, take stock of your
shared values, goals, and interests. Shared values and goals are the
building blocks of a relationship that can ‘go the distance.’ (Shared interests are important, too, but are
but are not enough if values and goals are not sufficiently in sync.) Of
course, there are practical matters as well, such as any physical distance
between you after graduation. Some couples don’t mind spending time in a
long-distance relationship, whereas others are strongly opposed to this sort of
arrangement.
As you talk, be sure that each
partner has a chance to share perspectives. Because this conversation is
likely to be an ongoing one, start communicating now (if you have not already
done so), well in advance of May graduation.
Counseling Services is a resource for
couples who are struggling with the future of their relationship in light of
graduation. Our counselors can provide couples counseling as well as
individual counseling. (Only one member
of the couple needs to be a Trinity Student to be eligible for couples
counseling.) Additionally, Counseling Services’ lending library offers
books about long-distance relationships, life after college, dating, marriage,
and breaking up. To borrow a book from us, please visit our front
desk. To learn more about our services,
visit our webpage.
